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Jan. 1, 2001
Just Who IS on First?
By Bill Bateman
Abbott and Costello were a comedy team that most of you probably won't remember. It's a generational thing. They had their roots in vaudeville. (In what? Never mind, just go with me on this, okay?) They hit their peak during World War II. Abbot and Costello's most famous routine was "Who's on First?"
It's a brilliant sketch involving a new player who becomes increasingly confused trying learn the names of the other players on a bizarre baseball team. The first baseman's name is "Who", "What" is on second, and "I Don't Know" is on third base. Out of curiosity, I went to Hotbot and entered: Abbott and Costello, Who's on First? I found six sites that have the complete text and several that include full audio downloads. Check it out. I'll wait. Seriously. It will help make sense of the next thousand or so words.
It's still pretty funny stuff, huh? Even after 50 years. Now do you remember that new computer we spent all that time researching last month? I'll bet it has arrived by now and you need to set it up and connect to an Internet Service Provider (ISP) or Digital Subscriber Line (DSL), don't you? But choosing the right one can be just like trying to figure out that baseball team: increasingly confusing. Call around and obtain prices and plans from some of the ISPs. After a few go-rounds with finding and holding a service provider, "Who" says life doesn't imitate art? It is actually quite possible that some of the direct descendants of that famous baseball team are working at ISPs across America today.
Whom do I call for customer service? Exactly.
I consider myself lucky. I've been with the same ISP for more than eight years. It was a small start-up in a storefront, became a bit bigger and, after being bought out, stayed regional. I can call and talk to a live technician who works with me to solve the problem. Things happen when they are supposed to happen. I haven't been disconnected or gotten a busy signal in so long I no longer hold my breath. Not everyone is so lucky. In fact, the opposite is the norm for many.
Most of the big ISPs have become what I feared. Customers complain of experiencing random disconnects, being pestered to get off line unless on the high-pay plan, and receiving poor customer service. Pop-up ads and screens have become so annoying that I have tracked down a filtering software not only to stop the obnoxious flashing "smack the monkey" ads, but also to eliminate the profiling cookies that are becoming increasingly used. (Visit AdSubtract.) We will talk more about profiling in next month's installment. I've even cancelled memberships to some sites as they are so full of ads I find them unusable.
Chat room users report that simply logging on can lead to a ton of Spam and even children are being sent pornography advertisements, parental supervision and filters notwithstanding. Web privacy is fading fast, but profits are good. Both, unfortunately, are at our expense.
- More and more retailers are packaging services already on the computer. We all know it is nearly impossible to remove Explorer from your new computer even if you love Netscape.
- With that in mind, I just got a mailing from Dell announcing that a one-year membership to AOL is included with a home system purchase--unless, of course, you'd rather use DelNet?
- You can get $400 off almost anything at several of our computer retailers simply by signing up for a two-year service plan on MSN.
- Earthlink is promoting its "do it yourself" DSL service to my senior citizen mother with annoying frequency.
But how well do these and other services stack up?
I'll let you make your own decisions. I used Hotbot and found a site called Dawn McGatney's Guide to Finding a Decent ISP. It is consumer driven and contains reviews of all of the major providers, as well as many regional companies. But I will say that with over 15 years in computers to back me up, I find these reviews are dead bang right on target. Unfortunately, about a week before this article was to be posted, the site seems to have vanished. (Sigh.) You can go to your favorite search site and type that site name to see if it is back up or type in "Computers, ISP, Reviews" and do your own investigations. Try it on at least two different engines and marvel at the different responses you'll get.
I'll let you make your own decisions. I used Hotbot and found a site called Dawn McGatney's Guide to Finding a Decent ISP. It is consumer-driven and contains reviews for all of the major providers, as well as many regional companies. I will say that with over 15 years of experience using computers to back me up, I find these reviews are dead-bang right on target. You can always find out more from someone who uses it than the marketing department.
You see that just as we did with buying the computer, we must do our homework when selecting a service provider. I see at least five unhappy users a month who, after purchasing service from one of the big companies, find they are being disconnected frequently and can't stand the Spam nor the pop-ups that have become a part of so many ISPs. I also know of folks who have found their small friendly storefront gone (along with their deposit) as the big fish swallow the smaller ones. What to do? Grab another box of doughnuts and go talk to people who have the same user needs you do. Which service do they use? For a lot of us, changing ISPs is a lot like changing banks. We hate the one we have but think the others are just as bad.
Whom should I talk to about my delayed set up and dropped calls? I Don't Know?
Now let's toss the DSL card on the table. With high-speed service you have the carrot of blazing downloads, but uploading the changes to your Web site often requires a 56k modem. The stick is the long wait, uneven service, and dealing with some very big companies with phone trees.
The 56k barrier is actually creating two classes of users. I have repeatedly heard the term "ghettoization" of the Internet. We are becoming the haves and the have-nots in terms of what we can access and how fast. For some this is not a problem--for power users it is maddening. Complaints, delays, bad service, and threats of lawsuits abound in California, but the "sign up now" ads are still running.
Cable, on the other hand, is shining in some areas, and satellite is an option, but the big kids want to take over that too.
The Internet is arguably the most powerful communication tool in the last 200 years, perhaps ever. Communication has become intimate, instant, and direct, and everybody wants to cash in on that. When the Internet was developing, many early users decried its growing popularity. They were afraid that the system would become another wasteland like television or radio, choked with commercials playing to the lowest common denominator. I have a satellite dish and 150 channels. Some nights there is nothing on--unless you count Leave it to Beaver reruns in Spanish.
The dumbing-down of the 'Net began shortly after its potential was discovered. The playing field was level at the beginning, and "Ed's Fill Dirt and ISP" had the same power as the soon-to-be-big companies. Want to put up a site? Great! That's what it's all about--the exchange of information. But now some companies are actually trying to discourage that. A homepage uses "too much bandwidth" I was told. It must slow the downloading of pop-up ads and banners.
I've learned other interesting things from service providers. When I called back to verify them for this article I spent a lot of time talking to "I Don't Know" and "Who". But here's a simple example:
When I put up my Web site, I was told that I could put as many addresses as I wanted in front of my sample.com. (Don't try these links, please.) For example, I can have mail come to bill@sample.com or sales@sample.com or whatever will fit in front of it. Yet I discovered that some sites try to sell you one, five, or up to 15 names when you buy your Web site. Something you already own! So what can you do?
- Do your homework and vote with your wallet. Don't be a follower. Take the advice of the media and "think outside the box".
- When the ISP tells you that you can have a specific number of hours a month or you must pay extra, keep looking. I receive unlimited access.
- When the sales rep says they can't promise installation, but the deposit is non-refundable if you cancel, keep looking.
You have lived all these years without DSL, so another six weeks won't hurt you. If you do nothing else, please do not accept the "dumbed-down" version of the 'Net. It is not that hard to figure it out. You're an educator, not a preschooler. Don't allow others to treat you as if you are. Your wallets and our budgets drive this machine. We need to keep control of it. If we don't, I think we're in trouble.
Don't be surprised if one day you find yourself in a conversation with someone from an ISP that goes like this:
You: Who do I talk to about my installation delay, please?
ISP: Exactly.
You: Who?
ISP: No. Exactly.
You: (Pause) So, Who can help me?
ISP: Exactly!
You: Exactly who should I talk to?
ISP: No sir, Who's out.
You: What?!
ISP: No sir, What's on second.
Somehow, when the joke is on us, it isn't as funny. Next month, the next step: profiles and cookie monsters.
Email: Bill Bateman
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